THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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