So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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