I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize