I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
