What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
