If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
