Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
