everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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