I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
