I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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