Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize