Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Damn victory sex feels great
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
