if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
