today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
