did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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