I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize