I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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