I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
