Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
