Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
