Me. At least after what I've been through.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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