i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
