I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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