turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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