i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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