They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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