listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
