I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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