woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
