Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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