My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
