I heard we made out
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
