When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
