i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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