You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
