No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
