It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize