u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize