Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
