you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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