OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
