and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
