This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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