Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
