At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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