i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
bring money and cleavage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize