I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
two words...techno handjob
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
