Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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