i was born a porn star she said
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
