thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
