If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize