i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
