You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
