I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
