that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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