Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
