So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
