so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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