Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
