She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
