Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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