I love black thongs
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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