And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
