I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
is it fun? or sober?
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