Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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