Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
