if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
a search helicopter?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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