Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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