I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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