Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize