Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
