Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
