I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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