How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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