So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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